I’ll admit, initially I was going to keep my recent family holiday a secret. I was worried about being judged:
“You can’t be too sick if you’re flying interstate for a holiday”;
“If you can go on a holiday then you can go back to work”… etc etc… I was pre-empting and worried about other peoples thoughts and opinions and I’m not sure why.
Photo: Sisters
I know I don’t need to justify myself to anyone but have decided to write this blog more from the perspective of someone who is chronically ill, and I’m sure many others in similar situations can relate. Also to give those who aren’t unwell, a bit of perspective and understanding of how important it is for people like myself to be able to get away from their day to day existence and actually be able to experience a life and create happy memories with family.
Photo: Me, Mum & Dad – not in a doctors office for a change!!
11-months yesterday, on the 29th November 2016, I was wheeled into the operating theatre with the impression that I would only need 6-8 weeks to recover from surgery after my second cancer diagnosis. Eight hours in surgery (my biggest one yet!) and a week in ICU and another week in the surgical ward, I was sent home still under the impression that I would be back at work within 6-8 weeks.
Photo: Me, sister & brother in-law for Dad’s 70th birthday.
As we all know, things for me did not go to plan post-surgery and I am now 11-months into my recovery. My life is essentially in limbo. I still have cancer and I am in daily chronic pain with a surgical wound that still hasn’t healed and is still susceptible to sepsis. I have tried every avenue to get myself back to my pre-cancer days, but in reality, I will never be that person again. So I have had to accept a new normal. I’ve been thrust into a life that I did not choose, but hey, that’s life isn’t it, that it doesn’t always go to plan for some.
Photo: Me at Eumundi Markets with my friend Zarah who I hadn’t seen for SEVEN YEARS!!
My new normal, has seen me spend almost a year being consumed with complications, infections, medical appointments, treatments, tests … the list goes on. I am merely existing right now, I am not “living”… this sort of living is not normal and can have huge consequences on someone both mentally and physically. Not being able to work, makes me feel like I have no purpose in life. It is hard to make long-term plans, even plans for tomorrow or next week, because I have to live my life one day at a time. I could wake up one day feeling great, then the next day I could be feeling horrible.
Photo: Me & Zarah in Mooloolaba
I have spent 95% of the last 11-months either laying or sitting up in bed. I’ve managed a few outings here and there, but for the most part, my body is now used to laying and sitting and as a result, my strength and mobility is terribly low.
Photo: Bonding with my niece.
The point of this blog post, is to let you all know how important it is for someone who is chronically ill to have a holiday. Not only did it allow me to escape the confines of my own home, but it also allowed me to spend some much needed happy time making memories with my family. Generally, all the time I spend with my parents is either spent commuting to appointments or tests, or waiting around together at the doctors office, it is not quality time. Being able to bond again with my sisters, brother in-laws, niece and nephews was also highly important to me.
Photo: Bonding again with my niece Evie
The chance to also get some sunshine on my pasty white skin, and get my vitamin D levels up, was long awaited. I was also able to be a bit more active each day, I was actually given reason and purpose to get up each morning.
Unfortunately the daily chronic pain is still there, the cancer is still there, the surgical wound still hasn’t healed, and my body struggles to even sit and stand up properly these days because it’s spent so much time laying in bed. This holiday has been so good in so many ways, but as with all holidays, they must come to an end.
Photo: Dad turned 70 while we were away, so we made “70 things we love about him”.
As I sit here writing this in the airport as our flight is delayed, I already have post-holiday blues and don’t know where to now. As much as holidays are wonderful and filled with happiness and memories, there is still that sense of “what now?” with me, and I’m sure many others too.
Photo: Memories! The closest to Africa I’ll get – at Australia Zoo!
What now? Obviously we can’t be permanently on holidays all the time (wouldn’t that be nice!) but the chance to have some time-out from the constant tests and appointments is extremely important, as well as making memories, it’s something so many take for granted but for us, it’s our lifeline, it gives us that much needed push to keep on keeping on.
Photo: So glad we were able to create happy memories for Dad’s 70th!
Photo: Our last family lunch together in Noosa.
Photo: Having some downtime with Zarah.
Butt Why Sherie? 
Making memories are so important. This is my first Christmas without my Mum who passed from Bowel Cancer. Enjoy all that time together! I learnt so much about my Mum when I quit my job to care for her as her cancer reached her brain. But sometimes all you had to do was just sit next to eachother and hold hands, as you watch some terrible re-run of a whodunnit and already know who did it. These moments matter, not just the big ones. I send you all my love and hope that your symptoms settle so you can have more moments. You are amazing and your blog hits something tender within me, not that I know what you are going through but it resonates inklings of my mum. Xx
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